Excitement is the New Stress

Be Gone With Thee Winter Hair

Bill Taking A Picture of His New Vintage Camera

The First of the End of Year Graduation Recitals

Congrats to Calvin! Mama, get out the calendar. . . 

For better or for worse, she got her mother's eyes. Time for new glasses, again!

Calvin's Opening Night of Bravo Handiwork 

A few days ago I posted a meme on Facebook, "I have a lot of excitement in my life. I used to call it stress but I feel much better now that I call it excitement."

I've been thinking about that and laughing a little, but it's really true. Might get a tattoo that says that.

In my younger days there were occasional episodes of risky behavior. Maybe I drove too fast, or dated a bad boy or stayed out too late doing who knows what. What a thrill.

Those days are long, long gone. For over 20 years I've been married to a good boy and for the last almost 17, we've had these two not so little people anymore, to take care of.

This week in Minnesota has been surreal. Tulips are coming up next to banks of snow. Ducks and geese are swimming on partially thawed ponds. The sun is shining and everybody is skipping out of work and getting outside. It's like the entire state is high. A natural and wonderful high. We earned it man.

Blogging is great because you can see the patterns in your life. My cousin Robin sent me a funny video. "It's gonna be May." I'm not sure if non-Facebook folks can see it, but just in case. . . . check it out https://www.facebook.com/TheHoldernessfamily/videos/2083258415246758/

I guess the truth is I'm not going to change. May is always going to be May. Christmas will always be Christmas. I'm not some crazy person who habitually overbooks us, I'm a highly productive person. Having every weekend booked from here to June is not stressful. . . it's exciting. The high I get from this is different than those college days that's for sure. . . but the challenge of keeping everyone fed and having black concert clothes clean everyday and making it through May is. . .my grown up risky behavior.  Might I say, it's a much better thrill.  Playing for the choral service and helping Calvin and Mary meet their potential, pushing the piano kids just a little bit harder. . . and squeezing in 20 minutes a day in the garden--I might be at my very best self in May. I can do all things, when there is no snow in the yard. Especially since I got my hair cut and highlighted.

I think the kicker is backing off those things that don't bring you joy. So, I'm lucky I guess--I'm getting better at that. This May the calendar looks full of joy to me.

So to all the moms and dads and teachers and kids! Excitement is the new stress!
Sending love to everyone. Happy May.

Sara

The Year of Endless Winter

It is the year of endless winter. All the Facebook memes are true. It's January 115th. Someone left the wardrobe open and the winter witch is loose in Minnesota. I hope that summer falls on a weekend this year. . . we could go on and on.

Those with a propensity for seasonal affective disorder are catatonic.

It's not all bad. It's crossed the line to epically humorous.

Calvin's junior recital was Saturday. He's been practicing the repertoire for at least nine months. There's just not too much you can do about that. Only the bravest locals made it, but we were able to live stream it for everyone else. Let me rephrase that, Calvin was able to live stream it. Before and after the recital it snowed around 20 inches at our house.

It turned into the great recital slumber party. We made it out to dinner Saturday night in the Yukon. There was one restaurant open in the whole south metro. It was lovely. Table for 11.

Church was cancelled. Everything was cancelled. We stayed in our pajamas, company and all, until dinnertime on Sunday. There was plenty of food in the house and games to play. We really haven't had a time like this ever. Not since childhood. Usually Minnesota muscles through. A two hour late start today helped us ease back into consciousness. I had to cancel my teacher training class. Again. It will be the longest long term training ever.

Calvin's recital was really great. Huge repertoire and tremendous expression. I'm exponentially biased but I also know the journey, which is more important than the arrival.

During the Beethoven, the music seemed to run parallel to my life, everyone's life. You are going along pretty well and then the storm hits and the devastation is real and deep. I lost a friend last week. Tom lost a wife. Four children lost a mother. Cliff and Wilma lost a daughter. The list goes on and on.

There's just no recovering from that. Time is a healer but it's gonna be a while. The deeper the love the deeper the loss. Sandi Waldron was deeply loved. By all.

At least in the sonata things recover more quickly and sudden joy escapes before the next turmoil.

And at least in sonatas there is some humor--Mozart is better for that.
And some anger. The Brahms handled that--that sneaky fine line between grief and anger.

On the way to Sandi's funeral I heard Rachmaninoff's Vocalise. Oh my God. Really? It's like the saddest piece ever written. Not necessary.

Well. Maybe it was necessary. Grief is a path from here to there and it takes the route it takes.

Music is a gift from God that helps us in some way to express the inexpressible. The sorrow of loss and the joy of living.

Thank you to my mother and her friend Donna, for cutting up a lot of fruit and accidentally buying too many bagels which have all been eaten. Thank you to everyone who listened to me this week-Texas has particularly big ears. Thank you for good friends who help us talk through this journey of being a working mom and parenting. Thank you to Dr. Wirth for being the very best teacher for Calvin. Thank you to Maggie for being Maggie and the weird fruits of her presence. (Blogging is harder these days with teens. . . you will have to ask me in person about that.)

I always pray that God puts the right people in the right place at the right time.
I'd say he's doing a pretty good job across the board. I'm terribly grateful for everyone I know.
Angels really. God's thoughts in action.

Dear Lord, 
Thank you for music, music that brings us together as a community and music that expresses the inexpressible. Thank you for all the people in my life, those who are living and those whom we have lost. Be with us all. 
Amen