A Five Star Day

My third aspiration is a wellness routine. Remember, I'm working my way through my ten aspirations.

When a hotel or restaurant is really good we give it five stars. Five stars is also an energy rating. It seems to me that the biggest part of wellness is energy. Without proper energy we can't be of any use to ourselves or others.

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I've been thinking about five star days for many years now. Here is my recipe for a five star day. . .

1. Enough Sleep
2. Healthy Eating
3. Healthy Drinking
4. Exercise
5. Devotional Time

Sleep has always been the number one mental health requirement for me. I need 7-8 hours to feel like the world is a positive and loving place to exist. A couple nights in a row of 5-6 hours and I'm heading to the dark side. Friends and family know the first question to ask me. Are you getting enough sleep? 

Healthy eating is important to me. It means mostly eating fruits and vegetables. I eat a lot of oatmeal and yogurt. I also eat meat and dairy but not a crazy amount. If I eat too much one day then I don't have any sugar or chip food the next. It's a checks and balance system. It works for me. Sometimes I go sugar free for a week or two. On a day with only five hours sleep I'm more tempted to sugar my way through the day. The five stars work together. 

Healthy drinking has two parts. What to drink and what not to drink. What to drink? Celery juice. I've been drinking celery juice and carrot juice for over a year now. I'm committed to juicing every day. I also drink a vitamin concoction every morning. I try to do most of my liquids in the morning so I don't risk a kidney attack at night. I have a goofy kidney that backs up and mimics a kidney stone in the middle of the night if I drink too many fluids. So, I try not to drink too many fluids, especially after dinner. What not to drink? Too much coffee and wine. I drink half-caffeine coffee and red wine, just not too much of either as. . .  both will mess with my precious sleep. 

Exercise is critical. I go to a yoga studio and do fitness yoga or a barre class twice a week. I turn my will power over to the teacher and just do what she says for sixty minutes. At home with a video I would pitter out after 20 minutes or when the phone rang or deadlines loom. I would also like to walk more, it's hard in Minnesota starting about now. In the summer I garden. I should do more exercise but I'm trying to balance other things I want and need to do with my time. At least I try not to go backwards in strength and flexibility. Cardio is probably my weakest point. I would like to do something everyday but the reality is I'm getting really good exercise a couple days a week. I'd like to find a better winter solution. 

Devotional time is in the morning. I wake up at 5:30, get my contacts in my eyes and brush my teeth. I make and drink all my morning liquids, light a candle and sit down at the kitchen table. It's dark outside. Four cats are circling. No people are up. I write in my journal and read something spiritual. It could be the Bible or something else. I'm a Christian but I gather insight from lots of different faith traditions. I try to meditate but mostly fail at that. At 6:15 I head up to practice with Mary. I have to say, I really need the time alone to center myself before jumping into family and studio life for the day. I'm not a morning person. This is a trade off. It's that important to me. It's the calm before the storm. 

Not every day is a five star day. I am committed to trying to take care of myself the best I can. I know other people have other wellness priorities. These five stars are where mine landed over the years. The sixth star would be connecting with family and friends every day. Introverts get lonely too. But, six stars doesn't have the same ring to it. 

Again, not every day is a five star day. I'm not there yet. I hope in some way this helps you reflect on what makes you feel healthy and well. We take care of ourselves so we can serve others. The more you serve the more you need to take care of yourself. Please secure your own oxygen mask along with me. Be responsible for your energy. Have your own five stars days as often as you can. 

Love,

Sara

P.S. Please stay tuned for the rest of my aspirations. 

The Aspiration to Listen

Thirty minutes down, 49.5 hours to go. . . 

Flashback and reassurance that we probably will survive. 

One photo in Bill's black and white film series "Crazy Cat Lady."

If your neighbor has a gas leak, it's comforting to know that the Eagan fire department will park their truck in your driveway several hours until it's shut off. 

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been coming up with my own ten rules/guidelines/ideas for life, like those of Jordon Peterson and Gretchen Rubin. I wrote about the first one already. It was to make prayer my first course of action. The first rule was to pray first. 

Before I can write more about my ten things, I feel the need to define exactly what they are. What should I really call them? “Rules” doesn’t seem right, there isn’t a self-induced punishment when I break them. It seems as though the word “commandments” is already taken, and anyway, I’m not quite that strong. 

Still, I needed a label for my efforts so I put some thought as to what I want them to represent. They are less formal than a code. They are more defined than hopes. Guidelines are wishy-washy. 

I finally found it. 

They are ten ideas that I aspire to. They are my aspirations. Siri says: 

Aspirations
Noun
1.     Hope or ambitions of achieving something
2.     The action or process of drawing breath
3.     The action of pronouncing a sound with an exhalation of breath

I really like that. I fancy myself a high-achiever so the hope or ambition to achieve something is right up my alley. And drawing breath and exhaling are also great ways to live. 

Now that we have our labels, I want to tell you that my second aspiration actually is. . . 

The Aspiration to Listen. 

Easier said than done. And this might be a long road. 

My grandma Hope was a good listener. Maybe it was easier back then, with the long spirally phone cord. She would sit at the kitchen table, ear to the beige receiver and just listen. She even took notes on a little dime store notepad. 

Back to me. . .somewhere around the eighth year of having kids in the house I think I stopped being such a good listener. It was to an extent, self-preservation. I had two extremely verbal children. We used terms like motor mouthing and broadcast mode. It seemed like they never stopped talking. In order to have a thought of my own, I had to occasionally tune them out. I became pretty proficient at it. They could be talking and I could be making a grocery list in my head or lesson plans or balancing my checking account. 

Then came the technology. It started with Bill and the Blackberry phone. Checking email in the kitchen. Then in 2009 came my iPhone. Scrolling Facebook waiting in the school pick-up line. Texts lighting up the nightstand. 

Things changed even before that, when long distance rates went extinct. Now we can talk to people far away and it doesn’t cost extra money. Why not do dishes, or bring in the groceries from the car or scoop the cat litter while talking on the phone? Long drive? Time to catch up with loved ones. I guess that's good and bad. 

Back when Calvin was in the fourth grade, Mrs. Sipe told me at conferences that he had a lot to say. I laughed in agreement. But then she added. . . and he deserves to be listened to. It was not directed at me but nonetheless I felt convicted. Blah blah blah trains blah blah blah subway blah blah blah light rail. Still, I tried to tune in to his broadcast mode a little better.

Last summer two of my dear ones told me separately that they didn’t feel like I was listening. Again, convicting. I decided to work on it. 

Maybe it’s partially in the timing. Even while I’m writing this my attention is requested. Most moms don’t have an office with a door. We are trying to do our stuff in the great rooms of the house with all the comings and goings. That’s a blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing. Children could be sequestered in their rooms. I’m glad we hang out together, even when I lose a little mental space. 

In spite of the distractions of life, and my self-criticism there are three places where I am my best listener. 

The first one? Piano practice. That’s one of the times when the good stuff comes up. God bless the intimacy of piano practice. A time set aside, one on one, when our kids know we will be there, a captive audience. Sometimes you have to set aside the scales, chords and arpeggios and just listen. 

The car is the second great place to listen. The one-hour drive to piano lessons on Mondays with Calvin was a sacred time for me. He would introduce me to his newest music, chat about the week and all the Calvin stuff. No more broadcast mode. . . just heart to heart. Now I have daily school pick-up with Mary. I rearranged my afternoon teaching so I could pick her up from Eastview almost every day. I’m still learning when to ask questions and when to just be still, but I’m trying. The car is great spouse listening time too. On family car trips Bill and I let the kids watch more videos than we would at home, because those hours with kids in headphones gave us a lot of time to chat. 

Third and last, the time when the most good stuff comes up? Late at night—that’s anytime past 9:30 for me. It could be post marching band or post musical or post homecoming dance. The not-quite-an-adult flops down at the foot of our bed right when I’m drifting off to sleep and starts in about the ups and downs that not-quite-grown-ups are made of. Highs and lows of the day. Dates and dreams. I take my ear plugs back out and put my glasses back on. Sleep never mattered much anyway. These are the good old days. 

I guess it’s not completely broken, I do know how to listen, but I could still do better. I don’t have all the answers. I want to be more like grandma Hope. I want to be a better listener. I don’t blame technology, the same phone that distracts us keeps us close. It’s mostly about habits. So, holding up the first aspiration of praying first, here is my prayer:

Lord,

You listen to the prayers of all of us all the time. There are millions of us all motor mouthing and broadcasting at the same time and you don’t tune anyone out. You are the best listener. Help me to be a better listener. Shut down my mental voices when real people are actually talking to me. Help me manage my technology with self-control. Help me show my love for others by being truly present to them. And if I need some dime store notebooks, supply those as well. 

Amen