Confessions of an Introverted Perfectionist

So--we have been back from traveling for a week now and I have started teaching my six week summer piano schedule.  There have also been some social and business events on the calendar, all of which have been at our house, which I am happy about.  Suzuki board meeting, scrap booking with friends, a going away party for our friends in church small group, and Monday is Calvin's family birthday party--good friends, family, and good food.

Whenever we get in a groove like this, however, I find myself slipping into a state of obsessive compulsive disorder.  You can't travel and be social and entertain and also keep everything else together.  Doing ten loads of laundry from our travels last Monday, I found myself having the irrational compulsion to immediately have every closet and every drawer clean, tidy, free of little made-in-China objects from McDonald's Happy Meals, and completely organized.   It is like an itch that needs to be scratched.  How can I possibly spends time with friends if my sock drawer has mismatched pairs??? If I can't control everything in the world, at least I should be able to control my stuff.

This brings to question many philosophical issues, primarily, what is more important--people or things? I have a couple close friends who are very skilled at reminding me what the true answer is.  There are some rare individuals like my mother who manage to keep a lovely home and garden and still have energy left over to give to others and even volunteer for strangers.  I constantly remind myself that my mother is retired and doesn't have small children.

I am quite sure that God probably didn't intend for us to spend so much time taking care of our stuff.  Here in suburban America we have fallen under what I call the curse of abundance.  If we don't control our stuff our stuff will control us.  I have never wanted more and more stuff.  I just want the things I have to be beautiful, useful, sentimental, and well taken care of.  I have fantasized about Caroline Ingalls placing the little china figure on the mantle that Charles carved for her, and calling her house in order.  Instead of a basement full of playmobil Laura would carefully hold Charlotte, her one rag doll.  Simple.  Pure abundance.

So, I put social events on the calendar and I enjoy them!  If I didn't, I would never leave the house until every last lego was in a sterlite bin labeled "legos" and every last weed was out of the garden and I and the children had each practiced our piano for the day.  I used to feel more guilt over this, but it is part of who I am.  So I put the events on the calendar--as odd as it may seems--it forces me to take time for the people I love and not slip into a coma of solitude or an organizational marathon where everything in my house is perfect but I haven't spoken to anyone in a year.  My friends and family tell me that they love me anyway.  I hope so.