We had a great week. I'm going to be completely honest here, there is a lot of transparency in taking your kids to an institute where you taught last year--and seeing families you taught at other institutes. All the advice that I gave all the wonderful Suzuki parents--all the corrections I made on the kids' little fingers--all the superior knowledge that I imparted on those poor folks. Then they get to see my parenting in action. They get to catch me grabbing the pen from my daughter during the recital because she's clicking it during the quiet guitar solo. They see my own kids' flat fingers on their scales. Oh yeah, we're supposed to be doing scales. Their low wrists. My kids interrupt incessantly while grown-ups are trying to talk.
I am probably too hard on myself. I expect my kids to show up at institute and be perfect. The perfect example of a Suzuki family. I want the other teachers to know what an exceptional teacher and parent I am.
Instead. . .
Mary knows no REVIEW pieces except the two recitals pieces she prepared for the week.
Excuse? We spent so much time working on Melody and the duets for the duet class that the rest of her pieces went to hell in a hand-basket. Sorry, we won't make the perfect Suzuki family list. And we certainly won't cut it for Japan's standards--reviewing every Book Two and Book One piece everyday. Blah. Calgon take me away. But--all you parents out there--do your review!!!!
LISTENING. Mary told Jane Kutcher Reed that we didn't do the listening. Instead we went ice-skating. Tsk tsk. We do okay with listening to the recordings at home, but I need to be better. I did have Calvin listen to the Richard Goode recording of his Beethoven on the iphone speaker. Great tone that was. I recommit to listening. Especially for Mary. I know the review will be easier the more she is listening.
TECHNIQUE. Blah. This is the worst. Do as I say, not as I do. I find myself wanting to scream--the kids in my home studio have much better fingers that this! I don't scream. I pretend to look away when Joan Krzywicki gently suggests that Mary put her fingers closer to the black keys to prepare for a sharp.
I don't always hold Calvin and Mary to the same technical standard that I do my students. I can't. Day after day, they have to put up with me. There is a different level of intensity teaching your own kids and you have to choose your battles. I hope that in the end I will have chosen them wisely.
The one thing I can say with conviction that we do right? We show up. We go to institute every year. We practice at home, almost every day. PRACTICE. Yes, for better or for worse we are good practicers. I even caught Calvin asking to practice extra. He was asking me to go back to the hotel after a big dinner and glass of wine, and run through his concerto. Blah. . . I was ready for bed.
There is a second battle I have won. My kids love coming to these institutes. They beg to come. They love to play. They love music. That is one thing I'm most proud of. They love music. Sometimes it means letting them click the pen during the recital. It might mean they aren't always playing with perfect alignment. It might mean ice-skating instead of listening to the recording. But my kids love music.
It's funny--when I look at other families, I only see the good. We are all on the same team. I hope they feel the same way. I'm holding on tight to the hope that it is somehow healthy for other parents to see the children of Suzuki teachers in action. We are all on the same road. We have the same ups and downs. The same highs and lows. I can be just as psycho as any other mom. Come to think of it those other parents probably felt a little weird having their last year's teacher seeing their parenting in action too.
The atmosphere is still transparent, I have to put aside some pride and any hope of perfection, but hopefully that transparency shows a clarity and a reality. We are all human, and we are all trying to learn with love.
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