Friday the kids were off school. They haven't had a solid week of school since Halloween. How nice for them. They are probably getting tired of grilled cheese and tomato soup. They must cope.
I haven't talked to anyone, well, any woman, this week who hasn't confessed to being a little strung out. I'm suspicious of those who aren't. Old habits die hard. I had the meltdown. Friday night and truly, I have to say, it lingered until about 10: 25 on Saturday morning. Like every mother, my list is a mile and a half long. The tea, the nursing home studio performance, the recital next Saturday. . . all the normal stuff like meals and laundry. . . my neck and jaw feel like the twisted Christmas pretzels waiting to be dipped in chocolate.
As I hid the tears rolling down my cheeks Saturday morning, Mary said, "Mama this is my favorite day of the year, we get to decorate the Christmas tree!!!!" Oh, yeah. I forgot as I was mopping up the water I sloshed all over the floor watering it. It's special. Christmas through their eyes. . .
Calvin worked hard on his CD. He wants to be grown-up and do it all himself, but he's not quite there and we're using new and tricky software. He's intense. I'm intense. We did a lot of butting heads. Not to mention he wants many copies made by the tea so he can sell them tonight. He's giving the money to FMSC in Eagan. That's nice but. . . it's a heck of a lot of work. I had had it. Then tucking him in he said, "thanks for your help Mama, I'm really proud of the CD this year, and it's going to feel so good to give even more money for the starving children this year."
A couple more tears. But then, I slept and slept well and suddenly everything seemed joyful and fun again. We do all these things for the most part because we love doing them.
The sermon and anthem Sunday were about Daniel in the lions' den. I'm not sure if I projected this or if Pastor Kevin actually implied it. . . but our busy lives are a little bit like the lions' den, especially right now. God is with us in there. And angels came and shut the mouths of the lions. And Daniel kept worshipping. I know that's what it's all about. I just need reminder after reminder after reminder. Day after day a chance for a fresh start. Ultimately, that's why Christianity is and will always be the path for me. I need that fresh start. A shot at redemption. My zen only gets me so far before the darkness spills out. So, Bill, Mary, and Calvin, I'm sorry I was so grouchy, cynical and sarcastic. Maybe while the angels shut the lions' mouths they will shut mine occasionally too.
If you are not feeling merry and bright--there is still hope. It is all good. And as my sweet, kind husband repeated his annual Christmas mantra this weekend--it will all get done--it will all be okay.
It will be more than okay, the season will be sacred and beautiful and lovely, and remind us of the birth of the one who gives us the fresh start. That, is truly merry and bright.
You mean you allowed people actually eat that cake? What a masterpiece! How in the world did you make all those teensy little holly berries and leaves? Is the can of Dr. Pepper for Wabi-Sabi purposes? :-)
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