Not.
It was the first weekend afternoon home alone as a family since November? The bread was pretty good.
I follow a Christian family life writer Jen Hatmaker. In her latest blog entitled "I Miss My Actual Life" she explains how she is taking a break from her traveling speaking engagements because the thing she speaks about, Christian family life, is actually not happening while she is so busy being a traveling speaker.
A colleague asked me if I read it and we both shared a knowing nod of the head. What is our actual life? What would we do on a weekend without recitals, workshops or church gigs?
I spent the better part of seven hours stuck in the Austin airport last Monday working on the rough draft of my Suzuki Teacher Training Application. To be an official Suzuki Teacher Trainer you must have this application accepted by the powers that be and then go on to do some kind of apprentiship and then you can teach teachers and they can get credit for the classes and levels they might take from you.
The application includes references, student performances, your own performances, a thesis type paper, community service, evaluation of your teaching through videos and documentation of every minute of your professional life for the last quarter of a century. For real.
Sometimes the journey of a thousand miles ends very badly. But, nothing ventured nothing gained. The idea of being a teacher trainer assumes that you probably must almost know it all. If that is the case the whole thing is hopeless because this road of teaching children music is very long and winding and I learn something from every parent, teacher and student that I come in contact with. These type of endeavors are casually accompanied by the fear that you just might not be good enough.
I did meet the first qualification toward being a crazy cat lady piano teacher this week when I taught my first two Wednesday students with a velcro curler in the back of my hair. I think I got it on video, which I probably will not submit to the committee.
What is my actual life?
So far this year we are miles away from a routine. It's been twenty-five below zero and we've been sick and Bill and I have traveled. I haven't put Christmas away. I haven't unpacked from Austin. The pantry is loaded with random stuff to process including leftover Christmas cookies. But I'm happy. I'm excited about the path. I'm rebelling against thinking I can follow it and still have all my ducks in a row every minute. I'm letting go. Really!
Bill and I had a female calculus teacher at Northern Illinois. She was the typical well-dressed tenure track smarty. Most days it was a wool skirt, turtle-neck and tweed blazer. Glasses. But each morning at 8:00 a.m. there was one thing wrong. One day her slip was showing. One day a glob of toothpaste in her hair. One day a run in her stockings. Wabi sabi professor.
This year, if I'm gonna make this application complete, and that is my goal, there might be a square of toilet paper stuck on my shoe from time to time. The storage shed is not gonna get cleaned out. Nor the freezer. I'm buying the cakes for my parent party. No house projects. I'm even pretending that I might plant fewer flowers.
Making a goal public is a good way to humiliate yourself into making it happen. Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best. A perfectly tidy house might be the enemy of a long term plan. This is not easy for me. It's hard to practice when the books are disheveled and the CDs are not alphabetized.
Step one--memorizing the Brahms Intermezzo for Houston. Step two--references. Step three--making videos. For the sake of making a really good impression on the Suzuki piano gurus, I hope you will tell me if the hair curlers are showing. Or worse.
What is my actual life? Blessed. Family, music, and faith that God has a plan for us--and if this is the right path it won't matter if our actual life is a little wabi sabi.
P.S. Please remind of this when I start to forget and organize the sock drawer at the expense of page 43 of the application. . .
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