Nurtured Into Independence

We Don't Do Much in Moderations Around Here. 

Sniff, sniff--thank you Matthew

All the kids work hard, but when you're blind, Book One graduation is extra special! 

That's a Keeper. Thanks, Ford. 

I could write a whole entry about each of these photos. When you really study them--a picture is worth a thousand words.

Mary and Tasha's pipe cleaner dolls--diversity. And a little bit of OCD in the DNA.
Matthew's school paper--the role of accomplishment in the development of self esteem.
Preston's celebration--music as a gateway to well--everything--for a visually impaired child.
Ford's composition--the development of intuition and understanding of the language of music.

Even before I read Gist, the best parenting book EVER, a theme in the studio this year was increasing the quality of independent practice in kids in say--fourth grade and above. That's not good writing. . . but. . . I'm a little sleepy.

Everything, everything, everything we do, as parents and as music teachers, must lead the child down the road, however gently and gradually toward independence. As human beings this means being compassionate, trustable, responsible contributors to society. As musicians, this means actually loving music and practicing and performing because we really just want to. Not because our parents signed us up, or because it makes us smarter or because we want to show off for our friends. We play  because music is a language of expression of the soul.

Jeepers it's so easy to forget that when we're so caught up in how the kid's not practicing the A-flat scale enough. Or when they haven't even practiced enough to get through the notes.

I feel this tremendous responsibility to lure these children into a lifelong love affair with piano. When I'm not achieving that with any certain kid--and Bill will back me up on this--I can't sleep. If they quit before they are hooked. That's the worst.

Dr. Suzuki says, "ability leads to ability." Truth. It's a circle--you practice and the piece gets better--and you love it more--and the next piece gets better and it's even more fun--and you see the pieces coming ahead and you can't wait to play them and you finally get there and you dig in and make it happen and you can't believe you're playing such a "hard" and great piece.  

But you can't do that unless you have the tools to go home and get r'done.

There's a poster floating around the web about the stages of learning a piece. It's something like-
1. Wow that's an awesome piece, I really want to learn that.
2 This is cool, I'm going to get to play this.
3. Hmm. It's a little harder than I thought.
4. Jeepers--I'm really poor at this.
5. I really don't think I like this piece anymore.
6. Actually, I hate it.
7. Well, it's is getting a little better everyday.
8. Hmm, I'm actually getting it.
9. This is a really cool piece.
10. I LOVE THIS PIECE.

You get the point. But some kids never get there. So here are a couple ideas for independent practicing.

1. Setting goals (you must set a goal for the week, and for each session at the piano)
2. Give specific assignments (get the A section at quarter note equals 80 or memorize the right hand of the B section)
3. Learn to break it down to the smallest necessary snippet. Go beat to beat and bar to bar (as Tadeusz and Paul teach).
4. Use tools like rhythms and blocking to fix the hard stuff.

Even the littlest ones can do a checklist of their own body. Feet, back, hands, fingers, eyes. Play. They are in charge of their very little bodies.

Parenting? That's a whole other story as well. The gist of the Gist book is--trying to parent less and let life do the teaching. This is especially hard for those of us whose default is talking and talking. Instead of fixing the behavior and getting on with it--we talk and talk and add shame to the cycle. Swift and consistent consequences are compassionate and offer optimum opportunity for redemption.

The Gist way: child spilled her milk? Child cleans it up. Done.

My way? I want to talk on and on about how if we had better table manners and were paying more attention and if you had your sleeves rolled up better. . . and probably this is the outcome of a complete lack of self control that really started back in preschool and really--you're gonna feel so stupid in the dorm cafeteria when you spill your milk all over your new friends. Jeepers, even the little piano kids don't spill like this. Here. Let ME CLEAN THAT UP WITH MUCH HEAVY SIGHING AND DRAMA.

I'm not always that bad. But I have to think about it all the time. And I still run the forgotten clarinet back over for band. (I think that might be the music teacher in me, band is only once a week. . . ) But I'm getting better about some things.

A lot of it comes down to having faith that we have good kids and that they're turning out fine and just letting life take care of the little stuff.  Kids know right from wrong.

Nurtured into independence. At the piano and at life. Confidence comes from achievement. The truest compassion is swift and consistent discipline. Teach the kids how to practice at every lesson. Less talk.

Happy weekend. A chance to do less parenting and maybe a little more gardening.