Is This All Really Worth It?

Rise and Shine. . . 

Taking the Next Step with the Quartet

Future Concerto Kids

This is what we do in our free time. . . and no, you don't have to have red hair to be in my studio. 

A couple more years before concertos for these puppies (Amanda Vick-Lethco called them puppies, so I can too)

I guess he loves the music. And he is a red head. 

Making Music

What a great gang. 

Beautiful Playing. . . beautiful heart. . . 

An amazing group of young artists. 

This weekend was our chamber music workshop. Twice a year the piano kids get the opportunity to work with the string clinicians. The ultimate goal of this is concerto work. The book three kids got to play sonatinas with the whole quartet and there were some super exciting moments. I felt a lot of joy this weekend. Joyful progress (it's easy to see the growth when you only do this twice a year).
Parent after parent sends me texts and emails about what a great day they had and how wonderful this event is.

Those aren't the only texts and emails I get.

The question came at the parent party, is this all worth it?

While we are on a high, let's have a little talk.

Please don't kid yourself that parenting is some kind of picnic and that everyone else must have it so easy. I didn't have to take an oath of priesthood to teach piano but I might as well have. There are secrets to keep. If you know families long enough you are going to see some dirty laundry. And they will see some of yours, hopefully not hanging to dry in the actual laundry room.

I get emails about how hard it is to practice together. There are emails about how hard it is to get kids to behave. Lots of emails about how we can tweak the process for success.

Here's the thing. MOST of the time piano is only the barometer of whatever else is going on in the house. We all know the phrase "if mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I would amend it to. . . if piano isn't going well there are probably some other things not going well.

There is an ebb and flow. A disequilibrium and an equilibrium. I have it. My kids have it. I think everybody has it. And when we are high we are very very high and when we are low we can be very very low.

Are the highs and lows worth it?

I do believe they are.

The highs and lows are all very normal and the kids mostly turn out wonderful. But there are some things we can do to make it easier and to get back to equilibrium FASTER. And stay there longer.

One of my observations is that sometimes parent's compassion is misdirected. Well, often. Sometimes we have to just be the mom and correct the behavior and not get sucked into the drama. Let me rephrase that, actually, ALWAYS we have to be the parent and just correct the behavior, without shame or drama. Without that good old--fashioned Lutheran guilt. I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran so I get to say that. Fix it with out too much discussion. Action/consequence. A little less talk and a lot more action. I have walked around the house chanting "correct the behavior, correct the behavior. . . just correct the behavior."

If you don't treat your mother respectfully at the practice, what will be the consequence?  If you have a fit before your lesson, what will be the consequence?  Make a plan. And follow through. Pick one thing. If your kids are doing something that makes you not like them. Be the mom. Be the dad. Be kind. But what is kind?

You might think you are being kind to try to talk it out with the kids but action is actually much more compassionate. TRUE compassion sets boundaries. Without boundaries we will be okay, but we won't have as much joy with our children and other people won't enjoy our children as much either.
We also won't be well rested. The kids won't eat healthy foods. They might not even be safe when you turn your back. We are all happier with boundaries, action and consequence. Obey first. Talk later. Talking leads to persuading, persuading leads to crying and arguing and arguing leads to bad places. Your child will learn that if they obey first you will listen to them later. And when they need an exception you will be there.

I'm getting off track, but these things have been on my mind a little.

It's all worth it because it's more than just the music. It's our family. It's our relationships.
I'm still here on the path with you, but I KNOW that practicing with my kids made me a better parent.  It's made me think about how I act and what I do right and not so right.

The triangle of student, teacher and parent is a gift. It's a tool. It can lift the child to a high level of ability. It can also teach us how to be our very best self. Our best parent. And it can help our kids be their very best selves.

These special events are such a high. But we know there will be lows too. To that I say "normal." But, let's not stay there too long. Little changes can bring so much joy to families. Joy to practice. Joy to the music. Joy to the world.

Keep those emails coming. God knows I have said the wrong thing many times, but there are a few ideas that we can work on together to make practice and life more joyful.

My son is going off to college in the Fall and so far he knows one person there. His piano teacher. (how music opens doors is a whole other blog. . . )

But he still texts me during the day to say hi. He still wants to chat in the car on the way to piano. We covered both umbrellas, love of music and love of relationship.

There are the moments when we know that relationships and music--this whole complicated journey we are on. . .  it is all. . .
worth it.

Love,
Sara