Four Days in Three Days Left ~ Hawaii 2020

A Rainy Arrival

Bill in His Element

Lunchtime Visitor

Bubbles at Lunch ~ Only in Hawaii

Mary made this beautiful lei

A New Restaurant Found

Fancy Salad

Same drink. . . a picture of a picture of a picture. . . traditions

Haleiwa Joe's. . our new haunt

The fanciest volcanic presentation of chocolate cake, ice cream, and raspberry sauce

Kotrtopia 2020

Janel as lovely as ever

The 4:00 meeting of the Piña Colada Club

First date night in a very long time 

Our happy place

Aloha. It's the annual blog from Hawaii. Tomorrow is my birthday. We were here two years ago for my 50th so you can easily do the math. It's good here. Bill and I first came in 2008 and we have been coming back every year. We have only missed a couple when Holy Week was during spring break. This year's miraculous scheduling of a week long trip with all five of us is brought to you by Calvin's winter break and Mary taking the hit and missing four days of high school. We probably won't be able to do that again. 

I woke up today and hoped that today could be just like yesterday. As I took my vitamins I noted that now four days were gone and only three days were left. 

We have our routines here, but we try to do something new now and then too. I think we will hike to Diamond Head tomorrow. We tried a new restaurant this year as well, wasn't that big of us? It's a big risk to give up a sacred meal here. 

Back to the four days gone part. 

Since Calvin went to college in late August my mind, body and soul have been in a constant state of four days gone three days left. I've been trying to balance my glorification of the past, the unknown path of the future and the plan for today. I've been trying to get off the emotional roller coaster of time, but this pattern of getting excited when we will all be together and being sad when it's over is rooted deep in my DNA. Generations of Souhrada and Stephens mothers have paved the way. 

On the last day of Thanksgiving break I was all by myself for the day. Bill was driving Calvin back to Iowa City and Mary was at a day long rehearsal. After the goodbye I put on my pity party music and started bringing up the Christmas decorations from the basement. About three repetitions of the sad song in, I wiped my tears, blew my nose, and turned off the stereo. I had a cathartic angel God moment. It takes more than a little transparency for me to tell you this but perhaps it could be insightful. It was a moment when God snuck into the little voice in my head and actually did not whisper but shouted very loudly. . . 

This is not who you are. You are not going to cry your way through Christmas. You love Christmas. These TOO are the good old days. You will go through your holiday rituals and traditions with authentic joy. You will have joyful anticipation of family times and having Calvin home and Janel here. You will enjoy the times together and anticipate the future but you won't be obsessed with the reality of it ending. You have been given a spirit not of sadness but of happiness. 

From that moment on I felt happy. Content in the moment. A real sense of peace. A deeper notion of who I am and who I'm not. Perhaps occasionally it's easier to figure out what you don't want to be, than to feel the pressure of figuring out what you do want to be. I did not want to be that mom stuck in the past, guilting her children for growing up. I was not a depressed person.

So here we are. Four days in and three days left. Monday Calvin goes back to school, Janel goes home, and I will teach. I will do the January and February things. I will be putting my renewed identity to the test. 

The kids have a whole set of plans for 2020 trips. There will be recitals and cabin trips and music camps and hopefully a little time for creative renewal. 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this last month. Thank you for a joyful reunion, a lengthy and lovely Christmas. Thank you for last week when I practiced with Mary in the morning and then got to listen to Calvin practice as I did my morning tasks. Teaching was a joy. And lastly, thank you for this week in Hawaii. Thank you for the rhythm of beach days and eating beach food and even drinking beach drinks now and then. Bless the rest of our week and bless our return to the routine next week. Help me remember that these are the good old days TOO. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen

My hub-a-dub