Listening Last Night

Last night I went to bed at peace for the first time since in several weeks. At least I was a little bit more at peace.

Like everyone, the death of George Floyd and the reactive protests and riots have affected my peace of mind. The images on the news have been deeply, deeply disturbing. Lives have been unjustly taken taken and destroyed, property has been damaged, livelihoods have been stripped. I awoke daily to the smell of our city burning. Loved ones were in actual danger. It was really too much.

I understand here, that my own peace of mind is not the central issue. Yet, it's mine, and I do believe that we have to secure our own oxygen mask before helping others. I've always said that. Yet, these last two weeks I've been unable to read, talk or pray my way to any sort of calm.

I've been silent here and online because, well, anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of Facebook. I sent money to Minneapolis and tried to keep it together for my students and family.

I've been trying to just listen, but I really couldn't digest what I was hearing. White friends preaching to me about racism is mostly what I was getting online. A friend of a friend of a friend who said such and such. Toxic memes. News from too far left and too far right.

I only have a few friends of color and they actually have been very quiet.

Last night was different for me. Last night the Suzuki Association of the Americas held a Zoom Listening Forum on Racial Inequities in the Suzuki community. Only teachers of color were invited to speak. The rest of us just listened. It was over two hours of teachers and parents sharing their stories. The speakers were emotional. They were hurt. They had righteous anger over the treatment of black children at institutes. They had frustration with language barriers. They had the courage to speak live in front of a primarily white organization and share their grief as well as give us ideas for a hopeful future.

I guess that's what I really needed to hear all along. Real people, real stories. Real ideas. Real hope.
Face to face. Well. . . Zoom box faces. Listening to the pain in my community, my own Suzuki community, was a great place to start.

I'm okay with not being completely at peace. We shouldn't be okay with racial inequity and injustice in our community, yet listening to Suzuki people of color gave me an oxygen mask last night. I feel a little better prepared to do my part, whatever God shows me that will be. Step one, keep listening.