A Monk's Guide and the Sand Zamboni

Today was the end of day three. Sunday was day one--I slept ten hours and then we spent the day at the hotel in the usual fashion, that is, starting out with a three mile walk along the beach with my mom and watching the kids build sand castles and swim on the beach. Then we headed up for lunch at the beach side restaurant, small glass of champagne included. In the afternoon the kids move to the pools and Bill and I visited the spa by the sea. A meeting of the 4:00 piña colada club--no new business and no old business. Simple dinner in the room. Early to bed. Monday was the same minus the spa visit.

Today we ventured out to the north shore-stopping at Matsumoto's shave ice and Giovani's shrimp truck. The shrimp was new this year-gasp. We've been going to the same places at the same time for ten years now. But, Mary found this food truck online and judging by the line and the wait it was true to its reputation. So, now we have a new tradition. We took a long hike in the sun to Ka'ena point, where the west and the north side of the island meet. You can see both sides of the ocean and also some rare albatrosses nest there. The beach at the hotel is an engineered lagoon, the the north shore is the real deal. No swimming there.

I read a book. A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind, by Shoukei Matsumoto-no relation to the shave ice grocer. I don't know. According to the book I have mold and dust on my heart. All cleaning is symbolic. At home right now, every single thing is cleared out of the entire downstairs and the floor is getting sanded and varnished. Then the walls are getting painted. It will really be a fresh start. There will be no fingerprints, scratches and dark grey patches. No blemishes on my heart or in my mind. The monks clean everything everyday. With everything in its place it might be easy to achieve enlightenment. I'm totally tempted by this. What if? What if this were possible? What if we took it even further than Marie Kondo? As we put things back after the new varnish and paint, we can curate. We can spark. There might be a moment when everything is perfect.

There is a machine here at the hotel beach. It's like a Zamboni for the sand. It drives over the whole beach overnight and in the morning it's all smooth and there are no footprints. The monks would love it.

Even if I were to achieve enlightenment in the living room, dining room and kitchen, there will still be the rest of the house and the garage and the garden. Even if I made a beautiful list in my bullet journal and came up with a rotation to clean all the screens and polish the wood and shampoo the carpet it would still never be complete. There would still be cobwebs in my mind.

That's the reason I'm not a Buddhist. I'll never be a monk. My mind is more like the north shore. The waves crash on the rocks and whirlpools form and the sand is full of coral fragments and sharp pieces of lava.

The hotel beach has little golf club grass leading up to the raked sand. But it's only one beach on a huge island of mostly wild waves and rocks. A monastery of beaches.

We only get a few hundred yards of perfection.

Real life is wild and unruly. It requires grace. It requires relinquishment. The peace that passes all understanding.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for vacations. For little moments of perfection in our busy lives. Thank you for the smooth sandy beaches but mostly for the actual rocky and wild perfection that is the real landscape of our lives. The beautiful, powerful and relentless north shore waves of real life. Help us to appreciate the beauty of it all, safely from the shore. And as far as the clean house and clean mind--well help us with that too-- at least a little. 
Amen. 

Choose the Joy (not to be confused with sparking joy)

Mary performing Bartok in Benson Great Hall at Bethel University

All Three 2019 Upper Level Piano Soloists

That's a keeper

Another story. . . . 

Joy is kind of hot topic these days. Does it "Spark Joy"?
At our house we talk about sparking things, you need to spark your closet, young lady. . .
And my phone case says "choose JOY" on the back--which of coarse I reflect upon every time I pick up my phone to check a text or email. Not. . .

Still it's true. And I came upon this yesterday morning in Mornings with Henri J.M. Nouwen, a small devotion book that I have mentioned before.

People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it. They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness. They point each other to flashes of light here and there, and remind each other that they reveal the hidden but real presence of God. They discover that there are people who heal each other's wounds, forgive each other's offenses, share their possessions, foster the spirit of community, celebrate the gifts they have received, and live in constant anticipation of the full manifestation of God's glory.
Every moment of each day I have the chance to choose between cynicism and joy. Every thought I have can be cynical or joyful. Every word I speak can be cynical of joyful. Every action can be cynical or joyful. Increasingly I am aware of all these possible choices, and increasingly I discover that every choice I make for joy in turn reveals more joy and offers more reason to make life a true celebration in the house of the Father.
Page 110 

As one who is tempted by cynicism I found it profound to think about joy being the antidote. The opposite.

This weekend we had a lot of joy. Mary performed as an upper level soloist at the Suzuki Association of Minnesota graduation recitals. Though she is in between her book six and seven graduations, this year as piano graduation chair, along with the committee, I invited her to perform. We've done this before. It brought me great joy. I believe it brought her great joy as well.

My mom painted Mary a little sign when she was a toddler, it had cream and gold paint and it says "scatter joy." And Mary does. She's human. And a tween. But more often than not she chooses joy and that helps me to set aside my natural tendencies as well.

Congrats to Jackson and Sarah who also performed so beautifully and to their teachers Annette and Suzanne. And thank you to the flutes, harps and guitars for sharing their recital. I hope to showcase our advanced piano students for many years to come.

Here is a link to her performance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKihNmr8LJY
May it bring some joy to the world.

Drinking the Cup of Life

Bill, Bill's High School Band Director-Roger Bjorklund, Calvin, and Matt Gullickson--who is Roger's grandson. 

This is how we do it. 

Fajitas. Enough said. 

Bill's Photo at Thursday Musical

When in Rome--or Texas that is. 

Eastview Percussion Ensemble 

Joy for Joyflag

Calvin's Xylo Solo 

Senior Shenanigans

God Bless Texas

Or. . . "How I sold my soul to Eastview High"

Eastview Wind Symphony

My SAM helpers

Mary in the First Clarinet Section of the District Honor Band 

Blackhawk Middle School Band Friends

Graduation Day-waiting for the 141 kids to arrive

My devotion this morning was "Drinking the Cup of Life." By Henri Nouwen.

Drinking the cup of life make our own everything we are living. It is saying, "This is my life," but also "I want this to be my life." Drinking the cup of life is fully appropriating and internalizing our own unique existence, with all its sorrow and joys. 

At first I thought it was coffee and cabernet.

Congratulations to Calvin on the percussion ensemble concert and the wind symphony concert. Thank you to the Eastview band directors for giving him so many opportunities. I have a pretty strong faith in God's perfect ability to give us the right people at the right time. There are so many of those people in our lives but in this theatre it is Matt Gullickson. You have to know that four years ago I psycho mom cornered him at the very first parent night and virtually threatened him to do right by my kid since the whole reason we were selling our chauffeuring souls to Eastview was for this band program. I stand down. Each of those band directors has left it all at the table. Turns out the soul selling was mutual.

Did you know that Bill's high school band director is the grandfather of Calvin's?

Congratulations to Mary and her friends on a truly fine District 196 honor band day and concert.

We are not leaving any blank space around here. Our cup runneth over.

Congratulations to the piano kids down in Houston. What a joy it was so hear them play and give them ideas! I had an awesome weekend there, punctuated with eighteen hours with Casey.

Four days at home with laundry, SAM prep and concerts and weather predictions and then we fast forward to SAM Piano Graduation Day. There was much ado whether to cancel or not. I did not. And the weather held off until late in the day and about 85% of the kids made it to perform and receive their trophies.

There was amazing performing in all six recitals at Sundin Hall. I'm continually inspired by my colleagues. Spending the day working with them is nothing by joy and I'm just so thankful for our community. I was so proud of my piano kids. Performance is not always perfect but every child was poised and expressive and I'll take that above almost anything.

I love watching the teachers, students and parents at these recitals. We have different levels of experience and expertise and some teachers have different goals in their studios. What do we all have in common? The kids LOVE their teachers. You can see it in all the photos and hugs and post recital warm fuzzies. These Suzuki teachers have relationships with their families. It's so special. Congrats to all and thank you to everyone on the committee--we are a well-oiled machine and it was nothing but joy to put it all together.

Last night I went to bed at 8:30, which felt like 7:30 because of the time change. My cup was empty. Not a drop left.

But the cup will refill and be drained again. And, in two weeks it will hold a Hawaiian shave-ice in whatever flavor I choose. It's crazy right up to that moment backing down the jet way. I might have coffee and celery juice all over the floor (which it getting refinished while we are gone. . . ).

To everything there is a season and we knew this one was gonna be like a champagne fountain filling the little crystal fluted glass that is our life. It's overflowing between now and graduation. I'm owning it, but praying for each day to receive just the joy and grace and energy it needs. Coffee? Celery juice? Cabernet? Shave ice? I relinquish the cup.

Amen.

P.S. Check out Calvin's composition and his xylophone solo on my youtube channel. Also--Mary's Bartok and more studio videos will be uploaded soon!
Sara's Youtube Channel

Is This All Really Worth It?

Rise and Shine. . . 

Taking the Next Step with the Quartet

Future Concerto Kids

This is what we do in our free time. . . and no, you don't have to have red hair to be in my studio. 

A couple more years before concertos for these puppies (Amanda Vick-Lethco called them puppies, so I can too)

I guess he loves the music. And he is a red head. 

Making Music

What a great gang. 

Beautiful Playing. . . beautiful heart. . . 

An amazing group of young artists. 

This weekend was our chamber music workshop. Twice a year the piano kids get the opportunity to work with the string clinicians. The ultimate goal of this is concerto work. The book three kids got to play sonatinas with the whole quartet and there were some super exciting moments. I felt a lot of joy this weekend. Joyful progress (it's easy to see the growth when you only do this twice a year).
Parent after parent sends me texts and emails about what a great day they had and how wonderful this event is.

Those aren't the only texts and emails I get.

The question came at the parent party, is this all worth it?

While we are on a high, let's have a little talk.

Please don't kid yourself that parenting is some kind of picnic and that everyone else must have it so easy. I didn't have to take an oath of priesthood to teach piano but I might as well have. There are secrets to keep. If you know families long enough you are going to see some dirty laundry. And they will see some of yours, hopefully not hanging to dry in the actual laundry room.

I get emails about how hard it is to practice together. There are emails about how hard it is to get kids to behave. Lots of emails about how we can tweak the process for success.

Here's the thing. MOST of the time piano is only the barometer of whatever else is going on in the house. We all know the phrase "if mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I would amend it to. . . if piano isn't going well there are probably some other things not going well.

There is an ebb and flow. A disequilibrium and an equilibrium. I have it. My kids have it. I think everybody has it. And when we are high we are very very high and when we are low we can be very very low.

Are the highs and lows worth it?

I do believe they are.

The highs and lows are all very normal and the kids mostly turn out wonderful. But there are some things we can do to make it easier and to get back to equilibrium FASTER. And stay there longer.

One of my observations is that sometimes parent's compassion is misdirected. Well, often. Sometimes we have to just be the mom and correct the behavior and not get sucked into the drama. Let me rephrase that, actually, ALWAYS we have to be the parent and just correct the behavior, without shame or drama. Without that good old--fashioned Lutheran guilt. I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran so I get to say that. Fix it with out too much discussion. Action/consequence. A little less talk and a lot more action. I have walked around the house chanting "correct the behavior, correct the behavior. . . just correct the behavior."

If you don't treat your mother respectfully at the practice, what will be the consequence?  If you have a fit before your lesson, what will be the consequence?  Make a plan. And follow through. Pick one thing. If your kids are doing something that makes you not like them. Be the mom. Be the dad. Be kind. But what is kind?

You might think you are being kind to try to talk it out with the kids but action is actually much more compassionate. TRUE compassion sets boundaries. Without boundaries we will be okay, but we won't have as much joy with our children and other people won't enjoy our children as much either.
We also won't be well rested. The kids won't eat healthy foods. They might not even be safe when you turn your back. We are all happier with boundaries, action and consequence. Obey first. Talk later. Talking leads to persuading, persuading leads to crying and arguing and arguing leads to bad places. Your child will learn that if they obey first you will listen to them later. And when they need an exception you will be there.

I'm getting off track, but these things have been on my mind a little.

It's all worth it because it's more than just the music. It's our family. It's our relationships.
I'm still here on the path with you, but I KNOW that practicing with my kids made me a better parent.  It's made me think about how I act and what I do right and not so right.

The triangle of student, teacher and parent is a gift. It's a tool. It can lift the child to a high level of ability. It can also teach us how to be our very best self. Our best parent. And it can help our kids be their very best selves.

These special events are such a high. But we know there will be lows too. To that I say "normal." But, let's not stay there too long. Little changes can bring so much joy to families. Joy to practice. Joy to the music. Joy to the world.

Keep those emails coming. God knows I have said the wrong thing many times, but there are a few ideas that we can work on together to make practice and life more joyful.

My son is going off to college in the Fall and so far he knows one person there. His piano teacher. (how music opens doors is a whole other blog. . . )

But he still texts me during the day to say hi. He still wants to chat in the car on the way to piano. We covered both umbrellas, love of music and love of relationship.

There are the moments when we know that relationships and music--this whole complicated journey we are on. . .  it is all. . .
worth it.

Love,
Sara

Our Triangle Becomes a Line ~ Congrats to Calvin on Becoming a Hawkeye

No Grilling Today

The Naughtiness Continuers 

The Hunt

Oh deer.

This is what happens at 30 below

Post-audition I can slap this baby on my car. . . 

This is a very old joke. (The stud-finder beeping. . . )

Bathing Beauty 

Post recital ice cream

We can do a lot of repetitions with this gang

Organizing the practice tools

Off to Hogwarts with Erica and Matthew

Pre-audition warm fuzzies

Warming Up 

University of Iowa Music Music Building

Helping with the Laundry

Oliver in the piano, again. 

It looks like next Fall we will be wearing a path down to Iowa and back in the Yukon. The truck already knows the way, since my mom lives just half an hour past Iowa City. Bill wishes Calvin had chosen to go to college somewhere with a more interesting drive. What? Like North Dakota? Illinois?  God forbid Kansas.

Last weekend Calvin auditioned for the piano faculty at the University of Iowa in Iowa City. A few hours later his new professor let him know that he was accepted. Though she was very friendly to me, notice that she didn't let me know.

Dr. Wirth has been very open to letting me observe Calvin's lessons these last two and a half years. I've enjoyed watching the teacher student relationship. I've tried to keep my mouth shut and not embarrass myself. I've learned a lot.

That's a total blessing but obviously, it really wasn't ever about me. The triangle of student/teacher/parent was squashing down. Instead of a mountain it become a foothill. In the next step the Suzuki triangle officially becomes a line. Prairie. Like the drive south between Mason City and Waterloo. The line between only teacher and student. Two dimensional.

We've been in those foot hills for awhile--I've been chauffeur, snack chef, secretary of contest applications and registrations, chief calendar officer. And still, director of musical feedback--as in, Dr. Wirth wrote "in time" here in the music and you are slowing down. I have tried to provide a second set of ears to help the kid follow through on what the teacher taught. That's not always successful so I try to ask more questions and give fewer opinions. Wow, that sounds great is really the best choice of words lately. . . I guess it always was.

All of this is normal. This is what we wanted.
This makes my heart soar and my chest sob all at the same time.

The audition process was really a great story, but it's not my story to tell. Kids eventually have feelings and experiences that are their own and I guess I shouldn't write about them.

Sigh.

That's what we wanted. This is the mission we trained for. It's still surreal.
Calvin will be a Hawkeye.

In other news, yesterday he got the letter that he is a National Merit Scholarship Finalist. The last step of that journey. He's the only one from Eastview High this year.

And, in case you forgot, we have another child, Mary, and she found out Wednesday that she made the state middle school honor band. Of the 300 clarinets who auditioned, only 9 were chosen. And that's from the pool of 1,750,437 middle school clarinets in Minnesota. . . it's a very popular instrument. She's making her own path meandering in and out and around of the footsteps of her older brother. She's her own girl. She's letting her light shine at an age that isn't so easy. Congrats, Mary and thanks for being you, my spark of joy. Your day to pick your future will come all too soon.

I think I have to close with an Amen so I can shower and get over the Minnesota All-State orchestra concert at Orchestra Hall. Calvin has a few timpani notes to play. These are the days.

Amen.