The End of an Era of Fragmentation?

A few years ago I was introduced to a woman from church.  I asked about her children, she said she had two girls in high school and that they played tennis and she was very proud of them.  Then, she added, very transparently, that she had enjoyed each stage of her girls' childhood but had always been "ready" for the next.  I have to confess that I have felt that way too.

I thoroughly enjoyed nursing my babies, but when they were done, I maybe cried for a day, and never looked back.  Preschool.  Same.  Toddler naps. Same.  Kindergarten. Same.

One reason I think I am "ready" for Mary, my youngest, to go to all day school is that for ten years now, roughly a quarter of my life, my days have been fragmented.  That is, broken into little chunks of time.  Time between nursing the baby, time before the two year old wakes from a nap, time between dropping off and picking up at preschool and kindergarten.  I am ready for a little longer clear train of thought. I am ready to own my own brain for awhile.  I am also ready to commit to multitasking less.  When you are self employed and work at home, you try to balance phone calls and checking email and making lunch and reading to your kids and the two become intertwined.  That is a mixed blessing. Sometimes it feels like I don't do either task all that well.  I am not giving my kids my full attention, nor am I planning studio events, repertoire or whatever the task is, very well either.

Of course everyone feels this way occasionally.  My husband has been working at a card table in the basement amidst playmobil town for almost two years now. He is heavily interrupted.  He is also in a business culture that expects executives to check their blackberries 24/7.   I recall a funny story from when Mary was about 18 months old.  Bill was having a stressful time at work and working very hard.  I drew the line at reading email at breakfast--our family meal together.  Later Mary was safely watching a show in the living room and I was venting to my mom on the phone in secret in the pantry.  (I very rarely have to do this, Bill. . . )  I am not overly prone to profanity, especially taking the Lord's name in vain is very offensive to me, but the words slipped out of my mouth. "There has to be some time of the day when you're not checking your God Damn email!"   The phone call ended and I felt much better and went about my day.  Mary finished her program and wanted to color.  I got out the crayons and paper and tidied the kitchen while she drew.  A few minutes later she called me over to show me her creation.  "Look, Mama, I made a God Damn email!!!!"

I said, that's very nice Mary, and vowed to never say those words in front of her again.  Of course she forget them immediately. God's cosmic humor was the best punishment for me.

Still our lives are fragmented with multitasking.  I ride Bill about checking the blackberry last thing before bed and first thing in the morning.  (There should be some time when you are not checking it. . . )  But, I am bad too.  I quick check something and get sucked into an email with a parent about a concern.  Or a friend.  Suddenly the not so important has become the urgent.  Or maybe the not so urgent has become important.  Regardless I am distracted--just a minute, Mary, just a minute, Calvin,  JUST A "bleep bleep" MINUTE.  Okay.  I digress.

Mobility may well be a curse.  Now I can check my iphone while walking around the house and in the car.  While on vacation. More fragmentation.

So my goal this Fall, is to be less fragmented and less multitasking.   To be able to sit at a desk and do work without interruption.  To be able to practice piano when it isn't 11:00 p.m.  More importantly--to be present in my parenting.  I ride Calvin about "slithering" to the computer, but I need to be better too.

I have often felt that the definition of happiness to me, is to be wanting to be doing what you are doing at that moment.  I love teaching, but if my mom is in town and out shopping while I am teaching, I wish I was with her.  I even figured out that I love doing laundry, it is just that most of the time when I am carefully folding things, I feel torn to be doing something else too.  I love being with my kids.  However, if there is something else on my mind, then I am not giving them my full attention.  I am not there.  I am not happy.  They are not happy.

I'll have less time with Mary this Fall.  I do feel tender about that--I bought cans of chicken noodle soup and Kraft macaroni to fix for all her lunches the next two weeks.  I will feel sad about lunch.  But, I have blocked into my teaching schedule time with the kids after school and time to practice piano with Mary.  My goal is to make that time special and valuable and focused.  No computer.  No iphone.  No phone.  No lists.  Just be there.  Be happy there.