A Grateful Heart

It's hard for the seeds of depression to take root in a grateful heart. 

Today is the two year anniversary of the death of my father.  It seems like yesterday.  That sounds cliché but it is true.   He died peacefully at home after a five and a half month battle with pancreatic cancer.  He was only 69.

I heard that quote about the grateful heart on the radio on Sunday.  I'm sorry, I don't know who said it or where it came from,  but I guess is might fall under public domain. . . everyone seems to be in the business of preaching that gratitude is the best medicine.  No matter what your religious or non-religious background, being thankful is supposed to be the cure-all.

I think that is because it is supposed to be very difficult for us to feel two emotions at one time.  It's hard to simultaneously feel love and fear, hard to feel self-pity and gratitude.

Listing five things to be grateful about in a journal everyday is supposed to be life changing.

So here are five things I'm grateful about my father. . .

We got five and a half months to say goodbye.
He was not angry about dying, he had a simple faith, he was a pillar of courage.
He got to be appreciated and acknowledged by his church and community.
We got to write on Caring Bridge--that brought us all closer--family, friends, community
I have nothing but pride, admiration, and love for my father. 

Five things is the tip of the iceberg.  I could bore you with pages more--like--I'm thankful my kids are old enough to remember him and I'm thankful my mother is a strong and independent woman.

Hmm.  I listed the five things and  I'm still sad.  Not depressed.  Just sad.  Maybe there is some not so subtle difference.  Maybe there are certain emotions that you can feel two of at the same time.

When you love someone, you miss them when they are gone.  I'm thankful for my dad and his life and his love, but I'm still really sad.  I still really miss him.