Some kids got moved up to a very advanced math class at school. Without my child. Son, why do you think that happened? I assume you are of equal intellect. Turns out they always did the extra credit. "Self starters." Those students earned that privilege. Why would anyone take the time to do that when they could be doing something else, like fiddling around on the ukulele?
The smaller girls are moving up to the gymnastics team before the Schmoo. I watch as the coach repeatedly reminds Mary to keep her tongue in her mouth. Earth to Mary. Are you there?
My knee jerk reaction: what, are my kids a bunch of lazy daisies? Do they know how to work? Are they ever going to truly apply themselves to anything? Why aren't they meeting their potential?
A friend was kind enough to talk me down from the psycho mama ledge. Are you even sure you want your child in that class? On that team? True. Where exactly are we heading with all this striving to be the best?
My husband Bill bought me a book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, by Daniel Pink. He picked it up at a business conference. Last night in desperation I start to flip through the book, turning to the pages on family life. I immediately find a quote from Carol Dweck, my hero. "Praise effort and strategy, not intelligence (talent)." So, perhaps the truth will not be so surprising to me. I am going to read the whole book, and I will report back, but it looks like he comes to similar conclusions to Dr. Dweck: we have to plant the seed of the spark of loving to learn the subject, and to help our kids take ownership and pride in whatever it is that they are doing.
I also got down my copy of the article by Jeanne Luedke, entitled The Self-Motivated Child, Twelve stages of development that lead to self-motivation. Not be confused with other 12 step programs-which I may very well require by the time all this parenting stuff is done. She also talks about the desire to learn, and the cultivation of a good work ethic. The article is out of the American Suzuki Journal, spring 2001, but I assume it is also available from her on her website. I like what she says, but how to get there from here? That is the question.
I'm on this high-horse, so this morning at practice I ask Calvin, what are your goals for this hour? He launches into a rousing rendition of Que Sera Sera calliope style on the piano. Earth to Calvin? Are you there? Do you have a goal for today? Turns out he really couldn't think of one. I moved on.
Later in the practice during a passage of the Chopin Waltz in A Minor he stops and says, "I love this part, this is my favorite part. The chords are so beautiful. Can we play that part again?"
I felt humbled. Inside I asked myself, what is your goal this hour? Where are you really going with this?
I just want my kids to love music. To love learning. To work hard. To find what sparks them so deeply that they can't take their hands off it. I want to share with them how it feels to feel good about something when you accomplish it.
Having reminded myself of that. . . being at peace with that. . . I have to add one more thing: I really don't want that special intrigue to be the ukulele. Just being honest.
No comments:
Post a Comment