Thoughts About Grief

December of 2009 I went to a service at our church that was for folks who had lost a loved one.  It was a chance to share with others before the holidays. Pastor Jim started off the service by reminding us that grief is hard work. The three pastors who were there all wore their best suits. It struct me--that grief also demands our respect.

I'm thinking about this because I went to visit a friend who is about my age who lost her husband a couple weeks ago.  Earlier this spring her mother passed away.

Grief is hard work. It demands our time and our respect.  All our energy.

I have heard story after story about people who have lost someone and had birds and deer and flowers appear in their yards where deer and birds and flowers had never appeared.

Angels?
The Holy Spirit?

I don't know.  It sure is comforting though.

Dying is easiest for the person who is dying.  Especially if they are a person of faith.  The only tears I ever saw my dad cry while he was sick were on behalf of my mom.  He was at peace.  Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death--those words are for the living.

It has already been three years since Daddy died. I truly can't believe that, because his name still is on my tongue and the tongue of my children. Yes, it's easier now. We have had a lot of genuine joy since then.  My sister remembers the first day she heard my mom laugh again. When the biggest part of the weight was lifted. But grief is grief and sometimes it lurks just below the surface.  For a long time.  Maybe forever.

I'm sure my dad and my grandparents would want us to remember them mostly in joy and only just a little in sorrow.

I believe that our suffering is only a speck on eternity.  I believe that someday we will understand and that all our questions will be answered.

Yes, Kathy, we are only loaned to each other.

There is nothing to do but go through it.  We don't get a choice.  But there will be little moments of peace and joy--a deer--a chickadee.

My prayer is that we would all see the angels around us everyday.  In our grief and even in our return to joy.