Comparisons are Odious

We all know this.  Odious means hateful. Occasionally it rears it's ugly head anyway.  Our children compare themselves to other children.  We compare ourselves to other parents.  Musicians compare themselves to other musicians.  We compare one of our children to the other child.  We are human.  It happens even when we know better.  Don't kid yourself that I don't know exactly what song my son was on at what month of his life compared to my daughter.  I don't want to know.  But I know.  I realize that it is about the same and then I'm ashamed that I went there. . . not kind or necessary to either child.

Nothing good can come of this.  There will always be someone better.  There will always be someone worse.  If we hypothesize that we are better-more experienced-wiser-or tougher than our neighbor, we end up filled with feelings of pride and self righteousness.  It might be fun for a few minutes, but it really isn't healthy and it definitely won't last.  If we surmise that we are less talented-beautiful-or smart than our neighbor, we end up feeling pretty lousy as well.  Feeling not as good is not a healthy feeling.

Last week I was encouraging a student to just be aware of others, without ranking yourself or passing judgement on the other person.  Why do we feel this need?

I personally grew up in an extended family that needed to be best.  Grandpa's farms field were the best in the county.  His farm was the neatest.  Mama's rice pudding was the best.  So and so made the best cherry pie. On and on and on, things were constantly ranked.  There was a premium on being the best.

So often we put someone else down simply to lift ourselves up.  If we can just be aware, without judgement, we lift everyone up.  My students give each other very positive comments after performances at group lesson.  So and so played with a nice sound.  So and so played with a good tempo.  State the facts.  Honestly observe. Work on getting rid of the mentality of having to know exactly where you fit in in life.

Music is an art that does not require ranking.  We can all just love and play music.  As Madeleine L'Engle said somewhere in some book, we are all feeding the river of art.  Some of us are little streams and some of us are larger tributaries.  We all flow to the ocean.

Off to practice what I preach.