Saturday, February 5, 2011

If You Can't Say Anything Nice. . .

. . . don't say anything at all.  Yes, yes, we have all heard the old adage.  It was said long before Suzuki teacher training about always remaining positive.  Most of us are not big-sin sinners.  We don't steal, we don't kill, we obey the seventh commandment.   Usually when my son gets in trouble it is not because of something he did.  He is an obedient kid.  More often than not it is because of something he said.  It is our mouths that cause us the most trouble.  Myself included.  This is a recent transcript of a conversation during practice:

Me: Could you play that with your fingers curved?
Him: They were curved.
Me: No. They weren't at all.
Him: Yes, they were.
(Pause)
Me:  You know, I would never have let a student graduate from Book One with fingers like that and here we are in Book Four and I'm still having to harp at you about it, because you would never let me borrow your hand like everybody else!

Yeah.  Great.  Very grown up.  Great Suzuki philosophy. And from the guidelines that we are supposed to be using in the Kotrba household, it wasn't kind--it wasn't necessary--it wasn't completely true.  Verbal failure.  I did apologize but it was too late, the tears flowed.  Damage done.

Tomorrow is a new day. Sooner or later we are all going to say the wrong thing.  Our mouths will get us into trouble.  I thought about what I should've could've done.  I should have suggested a game--like freeze and check your fingers.  I should catch him with good fingers and compliment.  I could even talk about why it is important to have good fingers--the music is going to get more and more advanced and we sure want to be able to play it, so we better have the fingers for it.   I could demonstrate how the sound changes with good technique. I could ask him to play again and tell me how his fingers were. Or I could have said nothing.  As I like to say, some live and learn, and some just live. . . we must learn from our mistakes. And--give some extra hugs when we screw up.

If you can't say anything nice.  Don't say anything at all.  It works.

1 comment:

  1. I still find myself making/saying mistakes with this mouth of mine... that saying is very wise. After reading this today it has helped remind me once more about thinking before I speak and trying to find better ways of saying/doing things in certain situations. I have to say when I read your blog Sara it always gives me peace and wisdom that i did not realize i was seeking. or makes me smile and remember to do things differently when i am at a moment when my heart does not always feel like a happy heart. I hope as time goes by for me I shall also show the wisdom you show, as well as keep the happiest of hearts!

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