It turns out Bill is going to be traveling every week in August. That is okay, I do okay here, but as I have said before, when you love someone, you miss them when they are gone.
Everywhere I turn this summer parents are making decisions with and on behalf of their children. This is nothing new of course--generations and generations have gone through these same quandaries.
Where should my child go to school? Public, private, home school? What college? What is the value of the money we spend on education? Thank goodness for the Kotrbas, that is an easy decision, we have an awesome public school system in our neighborhood, with an awesome high school music program that we value. Rest assured Calvin and Mary will be challenged enough academically and the schools are safe. Home schooling would be a disaster for me, "okay kids, today the curriculum is that we are going to weed and fertilize the garden, tomorrow we tackle laundry 101 and emotional intelligence." That is, how not to drive your mother crazy all day. Handling my kids music education is probably a good limit for me. As my friend Michele says though--yes my kids are home schooled, they just happen to attend public school during the day. We are all ultimately in charge of our children's education regardless of the choices we make.
We have to decide what kind of limits we will put on our kid's possessions. Mary is at my mom's house this week. I am purging her room. Unloved items will go into a toy purgatory on a high self. If they are not missed for 18 months, they go to charity. Meanwhile, Janel is taking Mary to Tipton, Iowa "Ridiculous Days." "Mama, they have stuffed animals for fifty cents!!!!!" I have $10, that means I can buy twenty new animals!!!! One step forward, two steps back. Calvin found his ipod. It was safe at my mom's house, she thought it was a TV remote. Before it turned up he was already researching how to buy a new one. Even after it was found, he said, "Mama after this one breaks, I'm going to buy a such and such ipod." As if electronic obsolescence was inevitable. How to teach our kids that cameras, TV's and computers are LUXURIES, and that they are not automatically replaced every time something goes wrong or gets outdated. Fast forward: I have a group of students who are all turning sixteen this summer. And so the discussion turns to cars and the decisions we make about this volatile subject. Can I just give one small piece of advice to these parents? Don't make the back seat too cosy. . .
We have to help our kids choose their activities. Mary is a good little gymnast. Fast forward: if she goes this route it leads to three hours a day six days a week. She's only six. How can I possibly set her down that path? I don't know if she will have the work ethic or the love, but if you don't start now you will never catch up. At our house we have to play piano, but how much? Should I make Calvin practice two hours a day? He obviously loves music, I would hate for him to not meet his potential because I didn't encourage him to step it up a notch at some point. Then again, if I make him do this maybe he will loose his spark for it.
The list goes on. Discipline? Church? Scouts? Family time? Friends? So many decisions.
Before I had kids I used to get so frustrated with parents in my studio. In Austin, one father's idea of tough love was to leave the kids at my house when they weren't ready to go on time. Great. What am I supposed to do with these four children until the Dad teaches them their lesson? We looked out the window until he came back to pick them up. I guess they never missed their ride again. . .
Then it dawned on me. Everyone has to find their own path. No two parents are going to approach things in the same way. No two kids are alike even within one family. Most parents are truly doing the best they can with what they have. We have not walked a mile in any other family's shoes.
What is the one thing all the parents I know have in common? It is not be their faith, their values, or their financial situation or their tolerance of behavior. It is their love for their children. We do love our children. And, when it comes to children, love conquers all.
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