The Grain and the Chaff

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." -George Elliot

I have one sister, Susan, and this is one of her favorite quotes. I love it too. If we are to stay in relationships for a long time, sooner or later we will mess up. We will say or do the wrong thing that hurts the person we love. Or, the person we love will say or do something that hurts us. If we aren't able to sort the grain from the chaff we will end up pretty lonely.

I think this has much to do with looking for the best in people. And letting the rest go.

I realized how important this was to me when a teacher became annoyed--probably even disgusted--with my kid. I wanted the teacher to look for the best in my child and all they saw at that moment was the worst. It reminded me, as a teacher, how much parents want us to love their kids. To look for the best in them. To blow away the chaff.

When someone looks for and finds the best in me, I grow. I come closer to being my very best self. Closer to God's image in me.

Suzuki asks us to praise what is worthy and ignore the rest. How can we do that? I don't think it means putting up with bad behavior. Perhaps it is more about looking for the best in our children, our students and all the people we love. It might mean breaking some habits of jumping into negative conclusions about people. I do believe when we look for the best we will find it.

Sometimes it only takes one person believing in us, sorting the grain, seeing the best in us, to make it all true.