Stay Connected to the Child

Daniel Coyle, author of "The Talent Code" spoke at our Suzuki Convention last May. I confess that I meant to order and read the book and forgot, but I did take really good notes at his keynote address. He presented three ideas that the teachers and coaches from the talent hot beds around the world share.

• Make a connection with the student at every lesson
• Use short pinging corrections
• Use games to learn

I was thinking about the connections we make with our students. I thought about how usually when I have gotten to a point where a student wanted to quit, in hindsight, I had lost my connection with that child. Maybe for weeks, maybe for months, but the connection was lost. There was probably some point where he stopped making eye contact with me. I stopped trying to be funny. Maybe there was a moment when I was frustrated with the practice or progress and instead of conferencing with the student and parents, I just let it go. This is particularly the case with adolescent kids. I feel some guilt about letting some of these kids go along the way, instead of making the effort to stay connected. After all, nobody ever looks back and says "I'm soooo glad my folks let me quit." (If any of you are out there, you can always come back. . . )

When we stay connected with the students they are accountable to us. In more ways than one. Of course I was accountable to my childhood teachers regarding practicing, but there was also a point in high school when I didn't really give a hoot what my parents thought, but I sure wasn't going to do anything to disappoint my music teachers and our pastor.

Sometimes I feel like a masters in psychology may have served me better than the pedagogy thing. Stay connected to the child. How? Most of the time the lesson is all about the music, but occasionally it is all about the child. What is going on in there?

The elephant in the room is that if it is important for teachers to stay connected with their students, how much more important is it for parents to stay connected to their children. I confess I have had many practices with my children that I felt like getting up and walking out. I've had it. Stop noodling. Stop talking. Stop crying. Stop whatever it is that is so completely annoying at this moment. And when they don't stop I feel like walking out. I never have. I never will.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is the author of "Raising Your Spirited Child" which I do own and have read, many times. She also spoke at our Suzuki Convention three years ago. She sings this song to the tune of Happy Birthday, I hum it when I am tempted to disconnect:

Stay Connected to the Child

Stay Connected to the Child

Stay Connected to the Chi-ild. . .

Stay Connected to the Child