The Perfect Parent

I have the mixed blessing of having worked with many extremely committed and conscientious parents in my studio. The good part obvious. The bad part--well--the truth is for many years I idolized the parents in my studio. They were all such GOOD--no--SUPER parents to their kids. I thought about how I would be just like them when I had children.

I also read a lot of books. Books about attachment parenting: how to sleep with your children and nurse them on demand. Books on how to teach your child to sleep alone in a dark room for 12 hours. I read books by conservative Christian authors-how to make your child obedient and conformed. How to keep a routine while maintaining ever important flexibility. How not to squash your child's creativity while not letting them talk back to you. How to talk so your kids will listen, on very little sleep with a baby sling and partially opened window shades while steaming organic veggies. Primal scream! Blahhhhhhhh.

One parent shared that she never read parenting books because she didn't want to have a book raising her child. Now I had really screwed up. I read WAY too much.

Then one day, while I was asking advice about an issue from a really loving parent with very well behaved creative musical children, it all became clear to me. What the parent told me was so out of the realm of what was in my own heart, that something in me snapped.

I realized that I was already the perfect parent for my child. I will go as far as to say God made me that way with all my strengths and weaknesses. I am linked with just the right kids. I could never and would never do it exactly the same as any other parent, or exactly as any book suggested. And no one else has my children. We are all perfectly unique.

I still read, and I still need the loving support of a community of parents discussing ideas and sharing, but I have a different sort of confidence now. I don't have it all figured out, but I have a little more faith in my own instincts. What I read and discuss goes in my head--but how I parent has to come from my heart.